Except this one thing.
Last night i went to a gay, gay, fabulous eurovision party (kudos john and kenny), and amidst the clicks and spillages, my roots as an olde school eurovision fan came out. I used to love it! circa 1991 to 1996 - i was obsessed. i even had them all on video tape and regularly rewatched them all. I could even sing along in languages i couldn't speak!
I woke up this morning with several shades of hangover and a plan. I am going to enter the eurovision. I am going to give the cheeseyist performance of a life time. How you might ask.. How will you gauge this?
Cheese o meter? - no too non specific
A jury of your piers? - wheres the science in that?
Complex mathematical equations? - phsaawww!
The answer: ticking as many boxes as possible from the eurovision drinking game. yes.
Here is a run down of all the ones i intend to hit
- Wink at camera
- Drop to their knees
- Make a peace sign
- Sing in language other than English or native tongue (ie. Ukrainian sings Hasta La Vista)
- Flick their hair
- Mime heavy guitar solo
- Play an 'ethnic' instrument
- Play piano while standing
- 'Ethnic' dancing
- Pretend to fight
- Helicopter shots
- Any costume change
- Any key change
And two that weren't on the linked list
- White suits
- Pyrotechnics
Can you imagine? Eurovision partys all over Europe, HAMMERED! really really HAMMERED!
I don't believe i can do it alone though. I need a task force.. a haus of Gaga of sorts... experts in performance, costume, songwritting, European cultural policy advisers, people who can make pie charts and graphs showing our popularity, bartenders....
Winning doesn't even matter, This is the stuff of DREAMS!!
WHO'S WITH ME!!!!??
A. x